Online Couples Therapy

Looking for a couple's therapist is stressful; it's even harder when you're queer or kinky or poly or a sex worker. No one wants to worry about being judged or having to explain basic aspects of your relationship before getting anything done. That's why I specialize in couples from sexual and gender minority groups- our common basis of understanding accelerates the pace at which we can work toward that vision of ideal partnership which is unique to you.

I will help you gain clarity about what is going wrong in your relationship and what you want to do about it. 

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To start, we'll feel out the fit between the three of us in our initial consultation, to make sure that I'm someone that you feel comfortable with. Aspects of my identity, particularly race, gender and sexual orientation may impact whether I will be a safe enough person for you to be vulnerable with, and differences between the two of you may mean that what feels safe for one person does not for the other.

If I'm a good enough fit, we'll schedule a first session. Here we will begin to identify what each member of the couple needs from the other. This includes differentiating between needs that you can meet on your own or with a friend or family member, and those that can only be met by your partner.

Next we'll pinpoint the obstacles that prevent these needs from being met. This could be a difference in values, a time or energy deficit, built up resentment, or difficulty understanding the other's perspective. We will also examine the patterns of how you relate to each other, and work to interrupt those that lead to conflict and misunderstandings.

You'll practice actively listening for the emotional needs contained in your partner's requests, and demonstrating empathy for your partner's sadness, frustration and longing. As the therapist I will ensure that both partners receive time to speak, guard against finger pointing and mind-reading, and encourage self-reflection. 

We'll brainstorm creative ways in which to meet the needs of each partner while accounting for the impact that this has on the other, as well as each person's limitations.

If it is relevant to your situation, I will hold space for a discussion of whether or not the relationship should continue, or if it would be better to separate.

If reading about this framework makes you feel calmer or more hopeful for the future, I encourage you to take the next step and schedule an initial phone call.